Most of my posts have been highly optimistic lately, and although they’re all true, I am not afraid to acknowledge when life doesn’t go perfectly.
My week has most certainly been a rough one. Pinpointing the core issue is impossible; it has just been a buildup of little things gone wrong. I could list them all, ranging from a broken coffee machine to struggles with self image, but that would defeat the purpose of this blog. You aren’t reading my rant- you’re reading my realization.
The unideal circumstances of my week most certainly carried over into my attitude- I was easily stressed out, emotional, and my sass increased significantly. With all of these stresses and apparent imperfections in life, it is easy to feel alone. You’d think it would be hard to feel alone when you walk from class to class rubbing shoulders with people on either side of you because 3,600+ kids are moving around in a seemingly confined area all at the same time. Feeling alone in even a crowded environment is not difficult in any way.
Being a Mason student is hard. It’s hard to feel heard in such a massive school. It’s hard to feel like you measure up when a 4.7 GPA isn’t that uncommon, and when perfect scores on AP tests and ACT scores aren’t nonexistent. It’s hard to be fully confident when you have hundreds more kids to compare yourself to than neighboring schools. It’s hard, and the difficulty is inevitable.
Being a Christian is hard. It’s hard to rely on someone you cannot see and sometimes cannot hear to fulfil your desire to be heard. It’s hard to come to the realization that although the random kid that sits next to you in class is valedictorian and that your grades don’t compare, your grades don’t define you and that your soul was chosen to exist on this Earth not by chance, but by His choice. It’s hard to put aside the vision of the “you” that you wish you were and realize that if God wanted you to be the “you” you wish you were, He could have made you that way. But, he didn’t. He made you the way you are now because He, the creator of everything good and perfect, wanted you here. That’s powerful. It’s hard to realize that when you’re among such high pressure and stress in high school. I struggled a lot with that this week.
At the end of every week comes the Friday Night Lights. Cheering on the sidelines makes me feel so carefree- I was looking forward to not having to feel anxious yesterday after such a hard week. Unfortunately, because of a bomb threat the game was cancelled, and I ended up sitting alone in my room even more anxious than I had been all week.
Despite my mission of making sure other people felt loved and cared for and my passion for ensuring that my peers felt like they weren’t alone in the midst of all this stress, I felt alone. I was the one feeling alone.
I sat there in my room and prayed harder than I had all week for Him to show me some love and to alleviate some of the stress I had been feeling all week.
I mindlessly tweeted something about my terrible week because I wanted to feel heard. I’m not usually one to rant about things on twitter; I usually just go to either my mom or to my friends. I’m not quite sure why, but this time I tweeted something without thinking about it.
I then put down my phone, laid my head on my pillow, and heard a symphony of different ringtones on my phone startle me awake. Within seconds, and I mean seconds, I had a DM via Groupme, a DM on Twitter, and three text messages from completely different people in completely different groups and ages asking if I were okay, and ng me that I am not alone. I immediately began to cry (if you know me, you know that I cry at the drop of a hat over anything and everything) because despite how alone I was feeling from the stress of school and the little imperfections in life, such a wide variety of people actually cared that much about a 140 character tweet about my awful week that they texted me without even a moment of hesitation.
I definitely believe that God answers prayers through His people, and I am confident that God was working through each person who texted me asking if I was okay and letting me know I wasn’t alone. My prayer was answered so clearly, and I feel more loved today than ever because of the people who simply asked if I was okay, and told me that I wasn’t alone and that I was cared for and heard.
I am always striving to live more like Jesus every day. Whether that’s simply enjoying life, or reaching out to someone who might be having trouble enjoying theirs, I encourage all of you to do the same.
With all of the things that have happened at MHS lately, it could be easy to be feeling a variety of things. But if you can take anything away from this post, remember this:
even when you think you are, you are never alone.